Fourth Decade

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Entering a new decade is quite monumental.

My fourth decade began yesterday on Friday the 13th. No matter, I’ve always thought of 13 as my number anyway. Here’s how the day looked…

An unexpected gift from my husband.

A decent work morning.

Soup dumplings for lunch at Joe’s Shanghai.

A Magnolia cupcake for dessert.

A low-key work afternoon.

Hugs from friends.

Amazing dinner at Saxon + Parole with my near birthday twin and great friends.

A nice glass of wine before heading home to enjoy a restful slumber.

An appreciation of the day and many others ahead. This milestone of a decade is one that I am excited about becoming a participant in. Not that the last decade of my life wasn’t full of adventures, new friendships, rebirths of old ones, relocating, travels, personal and professional growth… I just feel like this decade is going to push me into a new realm of knowing and understanding myself. And others. 🙂

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Walking Weave

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There’s this unspoken walking language amongst New Yorkers.

It happens when we’re all walking at a fast pace, approaching corners simultaneously.

Miraculously, upon approaching the intersection of two blocks, no one bumps into another, because of this exceptional spatial awareness of knowing exactly how many paces away you are from the next person.

We watch each other from our peripheries, coming from all directions, seamlessly converging into this walking basket weave.

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Share the Path

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I’ve been focusing diligently on being a kinder person, particularly to strangers, as a way to spread goodness in these turbulent times. It’s been going pretty well, I’d say.

So today I was excited to go running in the park, first time in at least a month. One of my most favorite things to do. It was nice to get out and be with other runners even in the chilly morning air.

I was about 2/3 through my run and I was having an impressive internal monologue, my mind beginning to clear as I rounded the bottom of the loop.

And then I see them. Three abreast and I can tell there’s no intention of moving over.

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As much as I love the running community, the running pack mentality drives me crazy. When you see someone running toward you, isn’t it common courtesy to share the path? Maybe move behind one of your pack members?

Well it’s not. I moved over to the outside line, adjacent to the bike lane so the three could stay in their formation. Because I’m practicing kindness and patience, I decided it was not a good idea to slam into the side of her (which I’ve done), but instead just included in my monologue that she doesn’t know any better, that she is unaware of any sort of space considerations to others on the course… sigh…

Of course I didn’t let her lack of regard for another runner ruin my bliss, so I kept on like nobody’s business. I think about these things runners do, not because it interrupted my run or thoughts much, but because I know this is a common practice of hers and many others. A thoughtless practice.

Come on people, move! I’d rather smile at you while you move over than scowl because you didn’t. 🙂

I Miss You Warmth

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Walking around a little after work today getting some errands done helped me remember that winter will pass, but the walking around did make me miss some things I used to really enjoy long ago and not so long ago… particularly in warmer weather…

… running through the sprinkler

… after-work yoga at Laughing Lotus with Monica

… walking home from yoga in my yoga clothes

… ice cream treats from Dickie-Dee

… riding my bike to Red Rooster/Tags with Joc for our daily slush and donut

… jumping on the trampoline

… the smell of lip smackers

… listening to ’80’s hair bands on repeat

… frequent stops for froyo

… lake time with Jill

… Green Bay Resort in the Okanagan with Joc

… road trips to wherever

… green leaves and blossoms in Central Park

… walking out the front door and walking or running for hours

… patio dining

… long hours of daylight, waking up with the light and going to sleep as the sun goes down in the late evening

Sniff… I can’t wait for warmth.

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Friend Therapy

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The last two weekends have been full of friend time, and the next three weekends will be about the same.

Spending time with friends both at home and away from home is so much fun. Friend time has so many benefits, like therapy. Some benefits very obvious, some maybe not as obvious… however all positive when you’re friends with the right people!

Friend time allows for…

… talking/catching up on what’s going on in our lives

… bouncing ideas off of each other

… eating at great restaurants we may not normally eat at

… sharing opinions about society’s big problems

… planning trips together

… collaborating about world domination

… dreaming about a more peaceful and productive society

… talking about great books we’ve read and recommending the ones we love to each other

… laughing at funny things we’ve said, done or plan to do

… crying about anything without judgement

… challenging each other to be the best version of ourselves

… nonsense

… just time together in the same space

… self-reflection of ourselves as friends, and the kind of friend we want to be…

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Practicing Patience

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In my deliberateness to practice more blatant acts of kindness, I am also practicing patience. I’ve decided that doing so helps me stay focused on being kind to people because living in a city with constant motion and scads of people, it is often difficult to be patient.

Here’s where and with whom I’m practicing:

1. On the subway platform as I am waiting to enter a car

2. With people pushing strollers

3. With people who stop in the middle of the sidewalk to check there phones

4. With inequities and unfairness in my job

5. With slow walkers or tourists

6. With technology

7. With people who just don’t get it (i.e., that there are other people in this world that have real problems)

What I’m doing to be patient:

1. Breathing

2. Walking slower and mindfully

3. Empathizing with people who are aggravating me

4. Talking to strangers

5. Smiling and greeting people 

6. Being deliberate with certain exchanges and interactions

7. Waiting to respond to emails that I want to fire back at

8. Being present 

9. Holding back on the corner instead of stepping out before the light changes

10. Walking slower

I’m hoping that I keep these practices going because today I found it hard! I know everyday is different, and hopefully tomorrow will be better! If there’s something you do that I should add to my list and try out, let me know!

Why Do We Apologize When We Cry?

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Why do we? It’s so silly. Crying is natural yet we say “I’m sorry” as soon as we start crying, like there’s something wrong with it. Do we apologize for drinking water or going to the bathroom? Of course not, because these are parts of being human.

I’ve had a few instances recently that I think warranted some tears for various reasons – frustration with my passport snafu, happiness when seeing my husband in Singapore, sad part in a movie. Whatever the reason, I’m not going to apologize for tears that need to be cried anymore.

We’ve all been told to stop crying at some point when we were growing up. Yes children’s tears flow for very different reasons than those in our adult lives. But the truth is, sometimes we just need to cry to feel better at any age.

At least as adults, we usually have valid reasons for shedding tears. But sometimes we need to let the tears roll just because. Why stifle it or be embarrassed about it? Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of being comfortable with your emotions, being human; a sign of strength in knowing that it’s okay to feel. So go ahead. Do it! Cry! And don’t apologize! I bet it’s harder than you think.

So It’s Dark, Who Cares

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Well, I do… but I’m trying to get over the dislike of the dark morning and value this time as mediative or a time to be productive.

I hate (and I don’t use that word often) dark mornings when I have to get up before I’m ready, but this week I have been finding the dark mornings somewhat comforting. A time I almost look forward to. I’d say it’s because the city that doesn’t sleep, does actually sleep in my neighborhood and I quite enjoy the quiet of it.

I like going for groceries or getting coffee before people come out and make the day noisy.

I revel in the quiet buzz of traffic before the honking starts.

I enjoy people’s morning moods, as they are still waking up before the stress of the day begins.

I take comfort in knowing that the time is mine. No one impeding on my morning thought stream for at least a little while. No voices or demands, just the white noise of my air purifier. I can chose to participate with the world at this time, or not.

I hate dark mornings – I said so this morning. But now thinking about that nice time I spent laying in the dark, letting my mind wake up, thinking insignificant thoughts, waiting for the light to come – I was missing what could potentially be the best part of any day. So I’m going to learn to like dark mornings. Love is a strong word, but maybe one day I will love them.

The Reason I Can’t Sleep

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It’s probably not exactly the reason you may think… yes, I’m a little jet-lagged but I have been finding it harder to go to sleep recently. I’m an eight-hour sleeper usually so this six/seven-hour business is throwing me off! After some pondering, these are some reasons why:

1. I don’t want the day to end/I’m not ready to start another day

2. I am thinking about all the things I want to do

3. I want to read

4. I want to watch a movie/TV

5. Time is going too fast so sleeping means that more time is gone (translation – getting older!)

6. I’m over-tired

7. I’m afraid I’ll miss something, good or bad

8. I’m on my phone

I’m sure most of you can relate to at least half of these! What’s keeping you up at night?

Restored Belief

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Let’s face it, the world is a huge mess right now: backlash against the police, non-peaceful protesting, shootings, hostage situations, and on… Luckily for me, I feel like spending time in Singapore has restored my belief in kindness and humanity.

Having time away from NYC and being able to spend time getting to know some new communities reminded me that there are places that can be peaceful, even in a large urban center.

My belief in the kindness of people has been stored…

How refreshing for a government agent to understand your circumstance and try to make things a little easier for you by giving you a few extra minutes at the counter to get your things together.

How lovely that people can just wait patiently in comfy chairs for their numbers to pop up on the screen at the post and government offices.

How peacefulness watching traffic flow without the constant blowing of horns.

How novel having a cashier that actually smiles and greets you because she enjoys her job.

How deliberate people are to leave the particular seats open on the train for people who really need them.

How calm a crowd can be, ensuring that everyone is enjoying themselves.

Of course I’m not saying there is no kindness in New York; it just seems few and far between when you go to a place where it’s so prevalent. Now that I’m back in the city, I’ll look be looking more diligently for that kindness. I want to keep my restored belief in people. But when I feel that belief diminishing, I will be the kindness and humanity, in the hopes that it will restore other’s belief in it too.