I subscribed to the feeds of Action for Happiness on Facebook. I enjoy following these kinds of non-profits that promote health, happiness and well-being. They offer insight and validity to life when you need it.
The feed below was posted this morning, and it really caught my attention:
Three fundamental needs for human wellbeing: autonomy (feeling in control), competence (feeling capable) and relatedness (feeling connected).
I completely agree and I never really thought that you could capture your well-being in three words (potentially starting with the same letter)…
When I read that post, at that moment I realized why I need a change.
At home, these fundamental needs for well-being are met.
At work, not. I’m missing one of these fundamental needs. I’ve been searching for what what missing. And now it has a name.
I’m missing the A. I don’t have the autonomy I need to feel fulfilled in my job. The “autonomy” isn’t real.
And the sad part is… is has nothing to do with the kids, the teaching, the standards, the curriculum, the professional development, or even the parents. This has to do with micromanagement. And that, I can’t take anymore. It’s time for a new chapter, one the A.
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This is the most painful post I have ever had to write.
I DNF the Donald Half Marathon and it hurts.
So why do I just not ignore it, but instead tell the world about it?
Well… I have always maintained that this forum is for me. It is a record of my achievements and failures. It keeps me accountable and provides an opportunity for growth.
I woke up half marathon morning scared. I mean TERRIFIED. it is something I have never experienced before. I realize now that anxious, nervous and apprehensive are not fear. Fear is a completely different emotion.
I felt out of my element. I was not ready and worst of all, I was going it alone. I didn’t let myself rely on my team or friends.
I walked to the bus pick-up at my resort and boarded the bus with 70 other would be half marathon…
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The idea of vacation itself is enough to help us begin to unwind. The fact that you are leaving, detaching from your regular life and daily routines – delicious! Yes, the physicality of removing yourself can be enough at first, but actually, it’s how you spend your time on vacation that is critical to unwinding – I mean really unwinding and unloading your mind.
My mini-vacay to Florida this week served me well in unloading mental stress and refocusing on being mentally clear. I think I was pretty successful at achieving what I went there for.
Here are some keys to unwinding:
1. Go somewhere that forces you to relax. Choose carefully and think about the purpose of your trip (which is probably de-stressing, decompressing, de-elevating, unwinding, searching for mental clarity). Going somewhere that offers tons of activities will keep you too busy. Go to those places when you don’t need to de-stress. Many times people return from vacation saying they need a vacation from the vacation they were just on.
*Note: If you are not able to actually go away-away – by plane, train or car – then find a “redemption place” that is your mental clarity spot. A place you can visit daily if possible.
2. Choose the right amount of time to be away. If you are not away long enough, you will not allow yourself to truly relax.
3. Physically detach from people! Don’t talk to anyone. Seriously, unless you have to. Talking is a really exhausting exercise.
4. Read books unrelated to your job. And read books you’ve had on your shelf for a long time. Let your mind go. Escape into whatever you choose to read.
5. Have a glass or wine, beer, or cocktail a day. One or two – and really enjoy the taste. Enjoy the moments attached – sitting, sipping, not talking, not checking your phone – just being in the moment. Allow yourself to relax with your alcohol instead of getting drunk with it. No hangover this way!
6. Sit. Observe. Try not to judge, but instead, just enjoy watching people. Make up stories about them in your head. Make yourself laugh.
7. Realize when you are ready to participate in interaction again, and do so meaningfully. Say something nice to someone. Offer help. Give up your seat.
Pay attention. Marvel. Savor. This is why you left in the first place. To regain your clarity.
You already know that I was reading Someone Knows My Name for about three years.
My bookmark was proof it’s been at least that long.
This boarding pass was from my first trip to Orlando in June 2010 with my buddy Alaa.
Eeeeek! 2010? Then it was longer than three years…
I can’t tell you if I started reading the book then, but it’s an indication of the all the journeys this book has been on with me.
Wow! 2010?
Time does go faster as you get older.
Must be all the fun!
Yes, it took me about three years to read a book.
Why? I don’t know.
Which book, you ask? Before I tell you, you have to know that it was a fantastic book. I don’t even think the word “book” does it justice. It’s a well-crafted piece of literature. A must-read.
The story well-written, expertly researched; the characters complex and deep; the ending what I wanted it to be.
I’m not going to tell you what it’s about, because you must read it, and you can look it up anyway. It’s literature that takes you to a monumental time when treating others horribly was the norm, and society was far worse than it is now. Although it is a work of fiction, it is based in research (as mentioned), and reflects history closely.
It’s called Someone Knows My Name (in the US) and The Book of Negroes (in Canada), written by Lawrence Hill, an amazing Canadian author. Read it.
Just don’t take as long as I did to read it. I’m sure you won’t!
We encounter obstacles and “hit walls” in many parts of our lives, running is no different.
Normally when running a half marathon I can be pretty mentally sound until about mile eight or nine. Normally…
Well, today was not normal for me. I hit my wall right at the beginning of the run. Yeah I was excited Hoda got us on our way and that I knew the route inside and out, but I was battling many mental demons this morning – mostly because of how my body was feeling physically.
First, I knew I didn’t eat enough this week, particularly yesterday. I blame that on the workshop I attended and the allergy problems I’ve been having this week. Who feels like eating when you have constant nasal drainage, you’re perpetually sneezing, and your head and body just hurt? I don’t. So I tried to drink lots of vitamin water, camomile tea, and water – but, not good enough.
Second, good luck running if you haven’t had a good sleep in three nights due to the nasal drainage and coughing.
Third, I was worried about my IT bands. I was afraid of having horrible pain like I did last week in DC, so this week I bought a compression brace for my knee and wore it most days. I also bought a foam roller to roll out my legs. Yesterday I even picked up some K tape and watched a video to learn how to apply it.
So last night I taped up one knee and taped the other this morning. I put my brace on my right knee, ate my usual half bagel with peanut butter, drank some vitamin water and got ready. As I walked to the park I started feeling a little better, getting my body moving. Then once at the park I started absorbing the energy of the event – a few thousand women ready to run, flowers blooming and trees budding!
As I lined up in the corral and walked toward the start line, I just didn’t feel like running. My legs felt fine, my body felt reasonable, but my mind was already telling me that I didn’t want to. The whole first six mile loop, my internal monologue was me telling myself to walk after the first loop. I didn’t want to run past that same spot an hour later. I just didn’t want to. My thoughts were barely about my knee not hurting (yay!), or that I wasn’t sneezing or coughing – I just wanted to go home.
But as I completed that first loop, and came around location of the finish line, my wall began to disappear. I knew at that point, there would be no walking, there would be less mind games. Maybe I would stop for some Gatorade or a pee, but that’s it. Physically I was still okay at that point, and mentally – finally getting past the brick wall of the first six miles.
So I kept running, grabbed some Gatorade at mile nine and peed at mile 11 – finishing the run in decent time, strangely.
Once I crossed the finish line, got my medal and apple, and headed for home – the journey home was hard. Hard to walk because my left knee decided to pain me and hard mentally because I just wanted to be in my bath tub! That was the longest walk home but, once again, I did it. Yes with lots of complaints, I apologize, I know life could be worse.
All those complaints though, are always worth the satisfaction of the finish.
(Note: I won’t be signing up for any more half marathons in Central Park – the repeated scenery and anticipation of those freaking hills sent me into the abyss!)
I’m wondering if these allergy meds will subdue the perpetual allergy sneezes during my run tomorrow… Can I run and sneeze every ten seconds – let’s say ten times in a row? I hope I don’t have to! I can’t have two bummer races in a row! So Allegra, rest, tea, and vitamin water it is for me tonight!
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Jibber Jabber & Happenstance 